Hard-pressed MEPs are to be provided with a tender touch after a hard day struggling with austerity and shuffling of paper with the opening of a new beauty salon in the Parliament.
The 'P.O.K. Service' will be bringing ‘Beauty Melody’ and her magic fingers to the aching bodies of our deputies. In a breathless announcement, Melody said: “After a year of waiting, the Beauty centre finally opens !!!!! Melody is delighted to make you rediscover your wellness and beauty centre…”
Exhausted and worn out members are asked to present themselves at the fitness centre between 11:30 and 14:00 on 2 February for a welcome drink and let the P.O.K. Service have a poke around their beauty centre in search of wellness.
As Melody explained: “A drink will be offered that day so that you do better acquainted with her.” Sounds like a stimulating afternoon.
The delightful Melody Fortuna has already tried to entice members over Christmas, with a special promotion allowing them to enjoy a quickie with the therapist of your choice: Receive a 15-minute massage. Just spot one of our therapists wearing a Father Christmas hat. Say 'ho, ho, ho!' to them and give them a 'bise' or 'shake hands'.
It is hoped that the shake hands is a reference to a greeting and not, well, you know. The beauty and massage sector does have some image problems and occasionally the Brussels police have helped a deputy out of a tricky misunderstanding around the Gare du Nord, where they mistakenly went into the wrong sort of masseur.
Melody does go to some effort to show how a respectable and professional should present themselves by illustrating her profile on the delightfully named website, www.pokeuroparl.eu with a photo of a young maiden pouring beer steins of milk over herself, presumably one of the treatments on offer, for which deputy of even lowly parliament official has not dreamed of being bathed in milk by young beauties? Austerity can only add a touch of spice to the occasion!
It has been suggested to New Europe that there could be a serious reason why the beauty centre is opening now. Not out of concern for the hard working deputies, but because of the Parliamentarium.
The new expo centre features a wall of photos of every MEP. It also hosts visits from school parties. Is it possible that some school kids have been so traumatized by the sight of the wall of deputies that there could be a legal reason to get them to shape up and pay a bit more of attention to their appearance.
Oh yes, and there are reductions, of up to 80%. It’s good to see that Melody does recognise that there is the chill wind of austerity and is doing her bit to keep the MEPs wallets as full as they are accustomed to being.
The rest of us can only gasp in wonder at this, the ultimate EU-vanity programme.